Yes, INTJ women are a different animal; but we are nothing more than a variation on a theme. We are still animals who follow the same laws of biology like anything else and if one is stripped of environment, societal programming and other influences, we are just that; Animals who happen to be female.
Within any number of species in nature, I am sure the female INTJ would be the matriarchal leader in any group. The boss, perhaps the hunter, the provider and caretaker. Females are often the more powerful in nature and even among some tribal human cultures. Even along those lines, males are seen with a purpose; often as hunters, providers and protectors. Males are respected, valued and are protective of the females and offspring in their communities. Everyone has a valuable part to play; as a part of a tribe, a herd, a flock or a community.
The problem is that humans have seemed to move so far off the path of natural biology that many people are wandering in confusion, fighting for power and growing more and more hateful and resentful of one another.
INTJ females may come off as cold, unfeeling, indifferent and anti-social; but in my personal opinion, this is not our deep biological nature. We are deeply caring, matriarchal creatures who want to see everyone and everything live in a peaceful and harmonious existence.
We want so badly for this to occur, we will work ourselves beyond our limits in our attempts to achieve this. The issue is that we often feel we are tackling it alone and either fail, give up altogether and/or get frustrated at the overall lack of community we exist in.
We simply cannot tackle our desire for harmony alone. We need others as well as something that is hard for us INTJs to admit; we need help.
The problems with our planet and humanity or so vast and so rapidly moving out of any possibility of human influence and control that we feel helpless. Our nature lies in the need to solve it all, to repair the damage and to make the future harmonious, peaceful and efficient for everything involved.
There are individuals out there, such as Elon Musk, who are working hard to make a difference, to make great strides in technology and improving our planet, however these individuals, at any economic status and capacity, are working alone and/or making great efforts to get others involved. Of course there are others like them, but where is the consistency, the urgency and the ease of contribution for everyone? Why is everyone not working for the greater purpose and as an overall world community?
These are the big problems that are important, but in the day to day lives of INTJ females, we see this on a smaller scale and within this small scale we see the definition of our nearly constant struggle with humanity and society.
We see why we rarely fit in and why we tend to travel along our own path; if nobody else is willing to put in the work to improve their own lives, situations, communities and future, then we will simply make every attempt to go it alone.
We crave to respect our biology, to be part of something greater and to work in harmony with others. We crave to live with a natural order, consuming only what we need and to be an active contributor to our communities and societies. We crave for everyone to work together, respect each other and contribute according to their talents and desires. Like all dreaded group projects however, we often end up not only taking the lead, but doing the work.
I truly lack patience and understanding for those who want something, yet fail and/or are unwilling to put in the work to achieve what they want. This happens so frequently, it has turned me into a lone wolf and further developing all of the perceived INTJ stereotypes.
As mothers, we tend to be very attentive to our young, but prepare them early for independence and surviving on their own, like many other biological creatures in nature.
I cannot think of another living species that takes helicopter parenting to such an insane level. I have written about being an INTJ mother before, but we tend to come off as bad mothers in society because we prefer to prepare our children for real life, rather than shelter them in a false reality.
We tend to favor equality in our partners and are always willing to put in our equal share of work and contribution into our family communities.
I have never understood it, but some men are so blinded and hold such an irrational level of importance in being an alpha or beta that they feel like less of a man or belittled because INTJ females are willing to jump into perceived masculine roles if needed. The perception is that we are less feminine and don’t need them, but that couldn’t be further from the truth; or perhaps they simply don’t understand nature beyond modern society.
Sure, I can survive without a man just fine and have done it for a long time. Realistically, that is not how I am built biologically; I enjoy having a partner and masculine influence and energy in my life. I find it balancing and allows me to enjoy being a female sometimes.
Lately, it seems as if men are either turned off entirely (let’s be real here and use the word threatened) by any female who is willing or has to take on any level of masculine role to survive or they simply want a woman to take on all roles while they do nothing to improve themselves or contribute.
For strong, driven INTJ females, finding an equal is beyond challenging.
My overall point here is that I feel that INTJ females resemble true nature and biology as a whole more than a vast majority of the human species. We are not special, we are not better than anyone, we are not superior; we simply want something better for everyone and everything and harbor deep frustrations when we cannot achieve it all.
As always, I am speaking for myself here. Nothing I write is representative of all INTJ females; just me and a few of the ones I know.
Also published on Medium.