I would venture to say that it cannot be that easy to identify if a woman is an INTJ. From a distant glance, she could just as easily be an ISTJ or an INFJ. This isn’t some list that tells you exactly what to look for, as I don’t personally know enough INTJ woman to make accurate broad statements. Being an INTJ woman, I can create a list of some things that you can look for to help you identify one, in a variety of settings, based solely on what I am like personally.
Identifying and INTJ woman based on how they look
Following this, I will describe some key identifiers in a variety of settings, but regardless of the setting, you can make an initial assessment based on how they look. In general, we tend to prefer a clean and simple look, sometimes a little more “minimalist” in style. We don’t particularly enjoy drawing any attention to ourselves, so that is something to think about when assessing our overall look. Think dark solid colors, jeans, nice clean shoes such as Converse, solid colored tennis shoes, boots and low heels. We tend to apply the “function over form” mantra in our everyday look, so you won’t see us sporting stripper heels at the cost of our comfort. We also don’t do the “Texas” hair, as the style will be clean without accessories or fluff and the same goes for our makeup; For those of us who actually wear it, it will tend to fall in the more muted tones with an overall simple, clean application.
So based on that, if you see a flamboyant woman sporting neon pink clothing, animal print anything and glittered shoes, it is highly unlikely that she is an INTJ.
Identifying an INTJ woman at a store
I know that I am not a browser. When I go to a store, I am there for a purpose, I grab the things I need and get the hell out of there. We are efficient shoppers who make the most out of our time in the dreaded onslaught of all that is retail. I shop online as much as possible, however if I have to go, I am very much to the point about it. You won’t see me lingering around or chatting up strangers and salespeople. If a salesperson approaches me, I will say whatever it is I need to say to encourage their swift departure.
If she is in a clothing store, walking briskly towards the checkout carrying a pile of clothing that ironically looks like the clothing she is wearing, with a preference for shades of black, she might just be an INTJ. If she is in a grocery store, pushing a cart full of neatly organized and categorized groceries (you know, frozen all together to keep them from thawing, cans in the back corner and boxes piled by size) and avoiding eye contact with everyone that passes by, she might also be an INTJ. The only time you may see an INTJ “browsing” is in a bookstore. We can spend hours in there, and I don’t know about other INTJs, but I love the smell of a bookstore. They need to bottle that crap.
Identifying an INTJ woman in school
It has been quite some time since I have been in a classroom, however you will find similarities in many other “classroom” type gatherings, such as meetings, corporate trainings, PTA meetings and orientations. My habits have not changed in this arena since high school, so it is pretty safe to mention.
If given the choice, you will likely find me on the edge of any given group, with preference for the corner. If the front corner is available, that is my jam; I’ll be up there quietly avoiding conversation and taking notes. The more people behind me, the better, not because I feel “superior”, but because I don’t want to have to make small talk with people. The back corner is another choice, but in my experience, the chatterboxes like to sit in the back, so I will avoid that, if possible. You will most certainly never find me sitting in the middle, unless it is an assigned situation.
Before and after class, I won’t dawdle, unless I need to speak to the instructor. I am never going to linger around to chat and hang out, as I want to get to things I deem more productive. I don’t hate people, I just hate stuff sitting on the burner waiting to be done and I want to get the hell to it. When I am assigned a task, I want to get it done. It is psychological.
Identifying an INTJ woman at work
In a corporate environment, there may be that one woman who comes in right at 8am and leaves at the stroke of 5pm. She is nice enough, but she doesn’t initiate conversation unless there is a purpose. She tends to take her lunch hour alone, seems to always get her work done accurately, before everyone else, and although she is not “bubbly”, the management seem to have preference for her attention to detail and efficiency. She will probably revamp the entire processes for the office because she found something inefficient and you may hold some sort of contempt because you feel that staying to work late shows dedication and initiative, yet she never does. She gets away with it! What a bitch. She probably sees her job for what it is, a paycheck and not a social hour, but she loves her job, or she wouldn’t be there. She may just be an INTJ.
Identifying an INTJ woman on a dating site
When I had my profile on a dating site, it was written in such a way that would eliminate idle chit-chat and not waste anyone’s time, especially mine. My profile was very descriptive, describing assets of my personality that were common “deal breakers”. I thoroughly expected anyone who viewed my profile to actually read it, say to themselves, “This woman is a freaking eccentric nutcase” and move on. I thoroughly described my need for independence, my insatiable need for alone time, what someone could never expect from me on a first, or even second date along with my interests, which were never going to waver due to a presence of a man in my life. I highly doubt that any other INTJ female’s dating profile would be much different.
In any other public setting, such as a coffeeshop, airplane or other similar situation, she may display a few “giveaways”. She will look the part, but she will also likely be buried in an activity, such as reading. She will be sitting as far away from other people as possible and will seem very involved in what she is doing. She will likely appear to be unwelcoming of approach, eye-contact or conversation and will appear very patient and content, which she very much is.
Also published on Medium.